Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
