No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
