He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
