Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
