My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
