"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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