using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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