Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
