3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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