Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
