we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
