you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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