1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
