Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
