I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
