Just fell off a train. Bad.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
