hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Come see our sink grown plant.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
