Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
