Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
