Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
