So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
