it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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