I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Houston, we have a squirter
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am available for nakedness
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
