sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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