Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
