We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
