Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
