I'm going to jail i love you
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
