Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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