Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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