Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
