after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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