she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
