Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just pee around me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
