I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There r osticjed everywhere
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
