And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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