He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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