Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
