So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need a beard to bite.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
