i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
