his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
