I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
