My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
