So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
