It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm way too hungover for life right now
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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