I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
