like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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