Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
