that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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