Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
okay pat passed out under dana's car
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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