I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
